3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
honey bunches of taint.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
