So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
