I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
