I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
