I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just cut my nipple shaving
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
