Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
