I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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