you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
