well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
