Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
