I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
