i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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