You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
