Someone shit on the floor
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
