i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
