Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
