i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
