I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize