If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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