heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
