Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
