I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Found your dick twin last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
