Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
