We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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