I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
