Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
