i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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