I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you bring me the toilet please
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
