You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm too high and old for this...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
