No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no, he came in my armpit
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
