im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
