I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
