The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
