haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
