I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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