What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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