I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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