he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
