I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
