My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
