I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
