still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
