true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
