Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

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(256): View more from Alabama

She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.

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(954): View more from Florida

My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?

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(408): View more from California

I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups

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(713): View more from Texas

You threw up everything but your ovaries.

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