that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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