Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
