I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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