You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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