watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
