I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
