New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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