I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
