This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
