new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
