we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize