I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
