So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
