They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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