Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
