nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
