Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
please don't ironically join a cult
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