dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
