Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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