Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
