You really coming over, don't trick.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
