Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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