I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
