so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
