I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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