I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
