youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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