I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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